Existential therapy & the Four Givens

Through the lens of: Irvin Yalom

Introduction

The fundamental questions surrounding what it means to be human are fascinating. Why are we here? Do we have a purpose? What is the meaning of life? Is there even such a thing?

This article explores the idea that our mental discomfort stems from our struggle with these questions, and that anxiety can be attributed to the four givens of human existence.

Existentialism

The focus of existentialism is a deep questioning of the human condition. It derives from the philosophies of Kierkegaard, who believed that certain aspects of existence can never be entirely comprehended, and that as individuals, we have our own truths and a unique purpose; and Nietzsche, who thought that we all have an internal power to overcome difficulties and we must be strong enough to resist conforming to society’s norms, and rather, live according to our personal values. It follows that as singular individuals, we experience existence in our distinct way, thus creating meaning to an otherwise meaningless world.

Existential therapy

Existential therapy aims to connect with people on a deep level whilst appreciating how each person defines their particular meaning of life, with emphasis on freedom and choice. This style of therapy often treats existential anxiety which is experienced when we lead our lives in a way which is out of sync with our internal value system. When we blindly abide by other people’s choices in how to live, rather than being in tune with ourselves, it dulls our self-awareness and connectedness to our true values. If we can learn to become more authentic in our lives, embrace uncertainty, and face up to challenges in a personal way rather than thoughtlessly conforming with societal norms and parents’ or carers’ expectations, then anxiety is alleviated.

Questioning, in existential therapy, is important. The process is collaborative, with the therapist travelling alongside the client on their unique journey. The aim is for the therapist to accompany the client within their experience in a spirit of curiosity, rather than judgement or criticism.

Irvin D. Yalom

Irvin D. Yalom is a highly respected psychotherapist and author who belongs to the existential school of thought. His contributions to contemporary psychotherapy are grounded in his deep belief that genuine, empathetic connection during the therapeutic encounter is the significant factor in mental healing. He believes that all psychopathologies are triggered by our difficulties in facing four ultimate existential concerns, the four givens of the human condition. These concerns, which remain our preoccupation, whether consciously or unconsciously, are the reason for our ‘existence pain’ and act as the catalyst for people to seek psychotherapy.

The Four Givens of the Human Condition

The four givens are mortality, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness. If we experience difficulties in dealing with these givens, and we do not fully accept them, we are filled with existential anxiety which reduces our self-awareness and understanding on multiple levels.

Mortality

Death is, arguably, the most prevalent concern of human existence. We can neither avoid nor deny it. Perhaps death anxiety is always present on a subconscious level, yet if we were to go about our day-to-day business with our knowledge of death at the fore of our consciousness, we would not be able to function properly. It would be overwhelming and too terrifying. Therefore, we repress it.

One form of alleviation of this fear is ‘symbolic immortality’. We may strive to live on through our progeny (biological mode), through our works (in a creative way), or through the theological mode of belief in reincarnation or an afterlife. If people learn to accept their mortality, then anxiety is reduced, they become empowered, and they live their lives more fully. In this way, we are also able to give our life a certain meaning.

A conscious awareness of death enables us to live our best lives. According to Yalom, an awareness of our death is the very essence of how to lead a fulfilling life.

Through existential therapy, people can learn to create a healthy balance of a conscious awareness but non-consuming idea of death.

Freedom

The notion of freedom is perhaps the most difficult given to comprehend as being a catalyst for anxiety as the concept of freedom is traditionally associated with a positive outcome. But from the existential standpoint, it is linked with anxiety as it bears with it an associated responsibility for people to have agency in their own lives. This responsibility carries the freedom to choose, but this can feel like a burden, as we are ultimately the creators of our own life paths.

We constantly explore means to escape from it. It is difficult to make choices which are attuned with our authentic selves because of how society and culture dictate our behaviour. Our state of anxiety is often due to following society’s norms, which conflict with our authentic personal values.

However, it is possible to find a direction to return to our true path if we attune ourselves to the powerful feeling of existential guilt. This acts as a compelling force from within which summons us back to the very core of ourselves.

Isolation

It follows that if we accept responsibility for our freedom, we must recognise that we are quite alone in the world. Our experiences are subjective, and therefore can never be validated, yet we unceasingly seek validation from others for reassurance that our experiences are real. As they are personal to us, this impossibility creates a state of anxiety until we accept the reality of existential isolation, the space that can never be bridged between an individual and others, no matter how close their relationships. No two people encounter precisely the same experience of anything. Thus, we are forever in isolation.

We follow the masses to avoid anxiety and we may completely succumb to cultural norms and other people’s expectations because this alleviates feelings of loneliness. But in doing so, we disconnect from our self.

When we are brave enough to create our own world, make difficult decisions and accept and embrace the idea of being alone in the world, this leads to us shaping our own meaning.

Meaninglessness

The idea of a fundamental meaning to life is unattainable intellectually, and existential anxiety occurs due to the continual tension between whatever meaning we give to things and their inherent lack of meaning. If we arrive in this world purely by chance, there can be no meaning to life other than that which we give to it. Our duty to create our own meaning and destiny is always present and ever-changing due to the uncertainty of anything, so we are in a continual state of anxiety.

To arrive at self-actualisation (or to fulfil our potential) can be an uncomfortable process as we must become self-aware and ultimately find a meaning to our own existence. We too often flee our destiny and many of us never reach self-actualisation. To live a fulfilling life, we must become self-aware, fulfil our potential and find our genuine purpose in life.

It is hard to face our fears, despair and anguish about the unpredictability of life, but only by doing so can we lead genuine, fulfilling lives and make choices attuned to our authentic selves.

Conclusion

Existential psychotherapy, using the premise of Yalom’s four givens of human existence, is an ever-relevant practice which can produce beneficial change to many people who seek therapy for a variety of difficulties. If you ever wonder about the meaning of life, if you feel an underlying sense of anxiety, perhaps it is existential angst… perhaps therapy could help to ease this pain, and support you towards creating meaning and purpose in your unique life.